How do I talk to my children about Family Court proceedings?
Talking to your children about Family Court proceedings can be very difficult. Children are naturally inquisitive and absorb more information than adults tend to give them credit for. For this reason, it is important to strike a balance between providing enough information so to satisfy their curiosity, without exposing them to adult issues or the details of the dispute between the parents.
It is very common for accusations to be raised between parents that the other parent is talking to the children about the family law proceedings, or that they are putting the children in the middle. The court takes these concerns very seriously. There is mounting social science relating to the ongoing effect of parental conflict on the emotional and psychological development of children. For more information see:
Hints and tips
There are no set rules for how you should communicate with your children. What is important is that you make your best efforts to do the following:
1. Give general information about the process;
2. (where appropriate) Assure the children that their relationship with you and the other parent is secure; and
3. Do not speak poorly about the other parent or the other parent’s family to the children or at any time the children can hear you (and assume they can always hear you).
Of course, if you have serious concerns about the safety of your children in the presence of other parent, then the rules may be different. For example, if you are seeking orders that the children spend no time at all with the other parent due to safety concerns, then it may be more appropriate to assure them that they are safe, and you are taking all steps to protect them.
All communication should be age-appropriate, particularly in relation to how much information is provided.
Examples include:
- “We have asked some lawyers for help to make a plan for how we can best look after you. The lawyers have special training to help us make this plan, and we are both working hard to sort this out.”
- “We tried to make a plan ourselves, but we have different ideas about what is the best way to look after you. Because we can’t agree, we have both decided to ask a Judge to make the plan for us. We both want what is best for you, we just can’t agree about what that is. We will try and get a plan as quickly as possible. For now, the plan is [insert general parenting arrangements here].”
- “We both love you and want what is best for you. Part of that is making sure that you do not have to worry about any of these issues. We both want you to focus on your school and friends, and not on us.”
- “It is important that you do not feel like you are being forced to choose between us, because that is not what is happening. I want you to feel safe coming to both of us if you need to talk about anything. We both love you equally.”
NSW Legal Aid has prepared an informative website called ‘Best for Kids’. This website includes useful links, and also includes age-appropriate video clips explaining the Family Court system. For more information see https://www.bestforkids.org.au/
Contact us
If you have any questions about this blog post, or you believe that a lawyer may be able to assist you in your family law matter, please contact us on (02) 4934 4257.